


Only You

by luckypenguinbuddy



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 22:36:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16146992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckypenguinbuddy/pseuds/luckypenguinbuddy
Summary: I had this idea floating around in my head.  This one-shot takes place just after S4E12 ends.  What would happen if Jane had one of her nightmares during Casey's visit?  How would that change things?  Mention of PTSD but no real detail.  Trigger warnings just-in-case.  Friendship/Romance/with a little Angst.  I hope you enjoy it.





	Only You

**Author's Note:**

> Originally Published to fanfic 2/25/14
> 
> I own nothing Rizzoli & Isles. Just the imagination used to write this story.
> 
> A/N: I had this idea floating around in my head. This one-shot takes place just after S4E12 ends. What would happen if Jane had one of her nightmares during Casey's visit? How would that change things? Mention of PTSD but no real detail. Trigger warnings just-in-case. Friendship/Romance/with a little Angst. I hope you enjoy it.

‘ **Only You’**

 

 

Casey had been scheduled to come in for a seventy-two-hour visit only to show up a day early.  During those four short days, Maura’s life had been turned upside down.

 

The medical examiner had been able to face her biological grandfather who would have killed her at birth given the chance.  This was accomplished in large part in thanks to the help of her best friend and said friend’s boyfriend or was it, fiancé?  She wasn’t really sure because she didn’t stay around long enough to actually hear what Jane’s answer was.

 

Fortunately for the medical examiner, her cell phone rang just in time to give her a reprieve.  The truth of the matter was that Maura was just so grateful for the distraction of being called to a crime scene.  Just thinking about Jane with Casey was nauseating.  He didn’t deserve someone like Jane.  Why couldn’t her friend see that?  If she would have had to stay a moment longer there would have been no possible way to hide her feelings due to being cursed with the inability to lie.

 

Not growing up with friends Maura knew she was ill-equipped in understanding the dynamics of relationships.  Though Jane was complex and hard to read Maura believed she understood her best friend.  Now she wasn’t so sure because her best friend turned into a different person when that man was around.  Being unable to do a full psychological assessment, Jane Rizzoli exhibited all the classic signs of bipolar disorder when and only when Casey Jones arrived in town.  Whatever was happening caused severe chemical imbalances in her friend.  Extreme mood swings with manic highs and depressive lows.  It was like watching Jane drown and being unable to help save her.

 

After ending the call from dispatch Maura quickly excused herself saying her goodbyes to Jane, Casey and her grandfather, who was surprisingly kind and asked if he would see her again.  That in itself caused her own emotional highs and lows.

 

Sargent Korsak was waiting just outside the crime tape when she arrived at the scene giving her no time to contemplate Jane’s haunting words of ‘ _Casey’s going back to Afghanistan…unless I marry him’_.  Korsak quickly apologized for interrupting her and pulling her away from getting Patrick senior settled.  After assuring him there was no problem she went into her professional mode and got to work.

 

The scene was gruesome and required every ounce of concentration that the medical examiner had.  It took almost two hours just to set-up and clear the body for transport.  Her techs cautiously loaded the victim while she gave extra orders to the CSRU techs collecting and photographing evidence.

 

R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I

 

The night had been a long one.  It took three hours just to process the body and pull all the evidence off of the victim before she could start the actual autopsy.

 

Once the autopsy was completed she placed the body in storage and prepped the samples for testing the next day.

 

Arriving home just after two in the morning the blonde decided to have a glass of wine to unwind before going to bed.  Opening a bottle giving it a moment to breathe while feeding Bass.  After she poured a larger than normal glass for herself and settled onto the sofa her cell phone rang.  She sighed seeing the face of her friend lighting the screen.  Knowing she was not really ready to deal with her friend just yet she went to push the ignore button.  Taking note of the time just as her hand hovered over the button she realized that her friend would not call at that hour unless it was something important.  Without another thought, she hit answer instead, “Jane?”

 

“Thank god you answered.”  The raspy male voice said.

 

“Casey?  What’s going on?  Where’s Jane?”  Hearing the distress in the male voice she wasn’t even sure if it was actually Casey or not.  She pulled the phone away checking to see Jane’s number on the screen.  Moving it back to her ear when she heard him start to talk.

 

“I need your help.  It’s Jane.”

 

“What’s going on?” Panic setting in now.

 

“I don’t know.  She fell asleep on the couch and now she’s freaking out.  I tried everything I know.  I can’t even get in the room to talk to her.”

 

Maura hadn’t realized she had even moved but she was almost at her car when she said, “Where are you?  I’m on my way.”

 

“Jane’s apartment.”  He answered.

 

“I’ll be there in thirteen minutes.”

 

“Does Jane have PTSD?” He asked.

 

Now hearing some commotion in the background Maura stepped on the gas pedal, “She exhibits several of the symptoms.  Yes.”

 

“Why didn’t she tell me?”

 

Anger snapped out of the petite woman’s mouth before she could control it, “Now is not the time for questions.  You are not the only one who is too proud to show weakness.”

 

“But she carries a gun?”

 

“DON’T!  Don’t you dare!”

 

Granted the normally commute takes thirteen minutes to drive from her Beacon Hill home to Jane’s apartment but considering the time of night or early morning, however, you choose to look at it and the fact that the speed limit had not been adhered to by Maura who had arrived within nine minutes, “Open the door.  I’m just pulling up.”  There was no room for politeness as she spoke into her phone.  For a man who worked with wounded soldiers, it was clear he had no idea what he was doing when it came to Jane.  She ended the call as reached the entryway door.  Moving swiftly up the steps to find the apartment door cracked open waiting for her entry.  Making eye contact with Casey Maura asked, “Where is she?”

 

He pointed down the hallway, “Her room.  She’s…”

 

Cutting him off the medical examiner asked as she moved toward the hallway, “Where’s her gun?”

 

This time he just pointed to the table behind the couch.  Maura needed no further information.  Jane had locked her gun in the drawer as usual.  She hurried down the hall to the bedroom door.  Taking a calming breath before peeking into the darkened room, “Jane?” Surprising herself how steady her voice was as she continued, “Jane, it’s just me.  May I come in?”

 

There was no response.  With only the light from the hallway, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the level of darkness.  Finally finding Jane tucked in the corner of her room between her nightstand and chest.  Her legs pulled tightly to her chest with her chin on her knees.  Long toned arms wrapped around them looking to give solace.  Her body rocking back and forth as she mumbled incoherently with an occasional discernable ‘ _No no no no no’_.  The smaller woman slowly started inching forward to her friend.  Startled when a large hand gripped her arm.  She froze in place, “Don’t get too close.  You could get hurt.” The deep voice low and warning.

 

Appalled because this man clearly didn’t know this woman at all.  Maura spun around looking him right in the eyes, “Let go of me, Casey.  I will be fine.  Jane would never hurt me.  Never.”

 

“She’s not in her right mind.  She could…”

 

“Never!” Came out in a very matter-of-fact whisper in an attempt to not startle her best friend.  Pulling from his grasp and moving further into the room, “Jane is not violent.  She’s afraid.”  The smaller woman continued over to the brunette huddled in the corner, “Jane?  It’s me…Maura.”  Slowly and carefully the blonde lowered herself to her knees reaching out to touch her friend.

 

“Maur?” Croaked the fragile voice.

 

Gently rubbing her friend’s arm offering comfort and reassurance, “I’m here.  It’s oaky.”  Moving closer until their knees were touching.

 

“He’s here Maur.  He’s in my apartment.”

 

“No, Jane. He’s not…he’s dead…remember?  You killed him and we witnessed his autopsy together.”

 

“He’s dead.”  She whispered, “Who’s here then?  You shouldn’t be here Maura.” She warned, “It’s not safe.  Someone’s in my apartment.”  Unfolding her body from its curled up position Jane reached a hand out to protect her friend.

 

“Jane, look at me.  It’s only Casey.  Remember?  He’s here visiting?”

 

“Casey?”

 

“I’m here Jane.”  He quickly moved closer making the brunette flinch.  He froze realizing his mistake.

 

Maura scooted closer to the detective, “Jane is it alright if Casey turns on the light?”

 

Shaking her head to focus and realizing the magnitude of what had happened.  Embarrassment took over and the lanky brunette stiffened.  The moment Maura felt her friend’s muscles tense she turned to address Casey, “Could you give us a few moments Casey?  Maybe get her a glass of water?”

 

He nodded and left the room.  Immediately Jane dropped her head into her hands, “Jee-sus.  What have I done?”

 

“It’s been a long week, Jane.  Casey said you fell asleep.  From all the data and previous episodes I’d say you had a nightmare then woke-up disoriented.”

 

“This whole thing is a nightmare, Maur.”  She sighed shaking her head, “What did I do?  What did I do, Maura?  I know Casey’s here.  Why would I act like that?  Wait a minute…why are you here?”

 

“Casey phoned.  I came.”

 

“Jeez, what must he think of me?  I was so bad he had to call you.”

 

“If he’s the soldier I believe him to be Jane, he should understand.  He’s working through his own issues.  He works with other soldiers with issues.  If anyone should understand, then Casey should.”

  
“I can’t believe this.  I never told him.  I thought…”

 

“You thought you would have more time.” Maura finished.

 

Jane just looked down at her hands, “He never asked so I just…”

 

“It’s okay Jane.  But now you need to talk to him.  Especially if you are planning to have any kind of life with him, then you need to tell him.”

 

“We don’t talk about things like that.  He doesn’t talk about the war and I don’t talk about things like…Hoyt.”  This larger than life woman was now small and vulnerable.  Up until now a side of herself only shared with her best friend.

 

“Jane you two need to talk.  You both need to know and understand each other’s triggers.  The fact that you two have not spent that much physical time together until now.  It may not have been an issue before, though clearly, it has become one.”

 

“I can’t.  I just can’t, Maur.”

 

“Why?” Maura moved to sit next to her friend, rubbing her back.

 

“You don’t trust me.  I haven’t earned it.” The deep voice though quiet startled both women.

 

They looked up to see Casey standing in the doorway holding a glass of water.

 

“I should go.” Moving to stand-up, “You two need to talk.”

 

A strong hand on her elbow stopped her, “No!  Please stay.”  Two sets of confused eyes looked at the brunette.  She took a deep breath and continued, “Please don’t go.”  She looked over to Casey in the doorway.  Jane and Casey both knew he was due to leave in several hours, “Casey has to leave soon, Maur and I need a few minutes with him but please don’t leave.  Okay?”  Desperate eyes looking into her friends.  Begging.

 

Maura nodded, “I’ll…uh…just go and make some coffee.” She pointed toward the door, “Take as long as you need.  I’m here if you need me.”  She stood up smoothing out the wrinkles in her skirt as she moved through the room.

 

R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I

 

The room was bathed in total darkness as the blonde haired woman closed the door behind her.

 

Casey moved over to the bed carefully sitting down on the edge, “Are we going to talk in the dark or can I turn the light on?”

 

“Does it matter?”  Her voice harsh, “I mean…we’ve kind of been in the dark with each other all along.”

 

“What are you saying, Jane?”

 

“I’m saying…we talk but we never really talk.  We don’t really know each other, Casey.  I’m not ready to be with you.  I’m not ready for this…us.”  She gestures between them even though she is sure he can’t see it.

 

“Because of this?” His voice rising slightly, “Because, Maura’s right.  We just need to spend more time together.  We’ll learn to deal with our triggers.”

 

The room stayed quiet for a few minutes before Jane broke the silence, “Don’t leave a job you love for me, Casey.  I can’t live with that.  That wouldn’t be fair to you.  I should have taken the time off while you were here so I could be with you…but I didn’t.  I love my job too.  I’m not ready to leave it and I can’t ask you to either.”

 

“You’re not asking.  Leaving would be my choice, Jane.  I’m doing it because I want to spend more time with you.”

 

“That’s the problem.”  Her frustration showing through, “I’m not ready for you to be here 24/7 Casey.  I’m so confused.  I’m happy you’re here…”

 

“But you have a life and I kind of came on too strong.  I know better.”  He mumbles to himself, _‘soldier transition’_ , “I should have stayed at my own place.  Not crowded you.”

 

“Yeah.  Maybe you came on a little strong but if I really missed you as I should’ve…I would have been okay with it.  My god, Casey…you’re only here for three days…I mean four and I should have moved heaven and earth to be with you.  I didn’t.  What does that say about me…about us?  I worked a case.  I helped Maura with that beast of a grandfather.”

 

The room fell silent once again.

 

“Does she know?” Echoed in the room.

 

“What?”

 

“She’s out there waiting for you.  Just because you asked, Jane.  She came over in the middle of the night without hesitation…because you might need her.  Does she know how you feel?”

 

“She’s my friend.  My best friend.  That’s what friends do.” She snapped

 

“No.  Not normal friends, Jane.  She came running in without any shoes on and from what you’ve said she never goes anywhere unless she is primped and runway ready.  What does that tell you?  And you jumped to help her with Patrick Sr.  I’m not complaining…he was an interesting…challenge.”

 

“Friends.” She whispered.

 

“How does she know how to handle your nightmares?”

 

“Maura and I have been through a lot together.  We look out for each other.”

 

“Does your mother even know you have them?  Nightmares…flashbacks?”

 

“No.  But she…”

 

“Doesn’t understand you as Maura does.” He finished for her.

 

“I’m sure you have friends like that in your platoon, right?  You know…a real tight bond with someone you’re really close too?”

 

“No.  Not like that.  I have some very close friend’s…they are like my brothers to me though…family.”

 

“Yeah.  See?”

 

“So Maura’s like a sister to you?”

 

“Yeah…no.  No.  We’re…we’re friends.”

 

“She’s a friend you’d give your life for.  You almost have from what I understand.  You do things like that for family, Jane.  People you love.”

 

“She’s my friend and she is family.  What are you saying, Casey?”

 

“I’m saying that maybe you’re more than friends.”

 

“It’s not like that, Casey.”

 

“I think it is Jane.  And that’s okay.  You’re my friend too but you don’t feel that way about me.  I wish you did.  God, I wish you did.” Resignation clear in his voice as he drops his face into his hands.

 

“She doesn’t.  Not that way.  It’s not like that.  She…is…my…best…friend.  That’s all.”

 

“You keep telling yourself that and you’ll lose her for sure.  I think you two need to talk more than we do.  Maybe it’s time to lay all your cards on the table and be honest with her, Jane.”

 

“What?  Because I’m not ready to marry you then I’m…I’m what?  Gay or something?”

 

Hearing the defensiveness in her voice and exhaustion setting in.  He takes a breath.  Not wanting to argue he changed tactics, “Listen.  Can I just turn on the lamp?”

 

With a defeated whisper she answered, “Sure.”

 

As he moved up the bed turning on the light he continued, “I’m not trying to pick a fight with you.  I only wish you loved me like I think you love your best friend.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  You are a good person Jane.  You deserve the world.  And to be honest I should have treated you better…I put you through hell.  I see that now.”  He put his hand up stopping her, “Don’t.  I know I did.  I pushed you away and that was wrong of me.  I’m glad you had Maura.  That you had each other.  She’s a good person too, Jane.”

 

“Casey, it doesn’t matter how I feel about her.  She doesn’t feel the same way.”

 

“Don’t bet on it, Jane.  You didn’t see her face when she walked into your apartment tonight.  She would have taken my head off if she thought I hurt you.”

 

“I told you.  We’ve been through a lot.  We’re both very protective.”

 

Looking down at his watch, “Look.  I have a few more hours and I’d like to take both of you to breakfast.”

 

Jane chuckles, “Maura won’t want to.  Her clothes are wrinkled.  She won’t be comfortable going out like that.”

 

“What about the clothes in your closet.  I know those are not your dresses.”  At the raised eyebrows looking at him, he added, “I noticed some things when I was putting the laundry away.”

 

“Yeah.  She stays from time to time.”  She admitted, “But it’s not like you think.”

 

“You know…you were stubborn in high school but my god…you are ten times worse now.  You’re killing me.  I’m trying to be understanding here.  I care about you and as crazy as this night has been.  I want to see you happy.  And if you can truthfully tell me Maura doesn’t do that for you then I’ll drop this.”

 

Silence.  Her eyes dropped to her lap, “That’s what I thought.  Sitting here now, I see the whole picture.  You deserve to be happy Jane.  I think staying with me you would be settling.  I did that with my first wife.  It’s not worth it.  We spent six years pretending and by the end, we hated each other.”

 

“You never talk about her.  We really never really talk do we?”

 

“No, we didn’t but I’d like to though.  Be friends, I mean.  I really care about you, Jane.”

 

“I care about you too and I’d like to keep in touch.  Please promise to be safe when you go back.”

 

“You know I can’t make that promise.  All I can say is that I’ll do everything in my power to keep my head down.”

 

“Okay.  I’m sorry, Casey.”

 

“So breakfast?” He said ending their talk.

 

“Yeah.  Go get cleaned up and I’ll talk to Maura.”

 

Casey grabbed some things out of his bag and headed to the bathroom as Jane went to the kitchen.

 

Maura looked up from Jane’s laptop, “So you two talked?  All better?”

 

Jane could see the forced smile on her friends face, “Yeah.  But not the way you think.  Can we wait to talk about everything after he goes?  He wants to take us to breakfast.”

 

“Oh.  Me?  Why me?  Don’t you to want to have some time alone?”

 

Sighing Jane adds, “We’re not together.  Not anymore.”

 

“Oh, Jane.  I’m sorry.” Getting up from her seat at the counter moving over to comfort her friend, “Are you okay?”

 

“I will be Maur.  Will you go to breakfast?  Ride to the airport with us.  And before you say it…I had a few of your dresses dry cleaned and they’re hanging in the closet.  And don’t worry, Casey didn’t wash your expensive undergarments.  They were already clean.”

 

“If that’s what you want?  Then, yes.  I’ll just send Susie an email and then I’ll get ready.”

 

“Casey will be out of the shower in a few.  You can go next.” She poured herself a cup of coffee, “Hey.  Casey said you came here without shoes.”

 

Looking slightly embarrassed now, “I was in a bit of a hurry.  It seems I left my purse at home as well.”

 

“Wow, Dr. Maura Isles drove without your license?”

 

“Yes.  It seems I did.  In my defense, I was worried about you.”

 

“Thank you, Maur.  Anytime I need you…you’re always there for me.”

 

“Always Jane.  Always, just like you are for me.” Jane pulled the smaller woman in for a hug just as the bathroom door opened.

 

The blonde went to pull away but the taller woman held her in place whispering, “Thank you.” She whispered before releasing her grasp.

 

Maura said, “You are welcome.” As she hurried to the bedroom to get ready.

 

Jane and Casey agreed that she would take Elsie over to Korsak later.  Once Maura was out of the shower Jane went to take her turn.  Casey then took Jo Friday and Elsie out for a walk giving both woman time to finish getting ready.

 

R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I

 

Jane picked one of her favorite restaurants near Maura’s house so the blonde could get her purse and anything else she may need to be comfortable.  The ride over to the house was quiet though not uncomfortable.  No one really knew what to say and they were all kind of lost in their own thoughts.  As soon as Jane stopped the car in Maura’s Beacon Hill driveway she hurried out of the car and into her house.

 

Once the other woman was out of sight Casey finally spoke, “Would you like me to call someone else to take me to the airport?”

 

“No.  Why would I?  We’ll take you.  I mean I already asked Maura to ride along…if that’s okay?”  She nervously finished.

 

He let out a sad and almost painful laugh, “As I said…I want to know you’re happy and if you won’t let me take care of you I hope you let Maura in any way that you are comfortable.  Remember…cards on the table…with me too.  Something we should have done from the start and that was my fault.  I didn’t make it easy for you.”

 

Jane went to protest but was cut short when Maura opened the car door slipping into the back seat again.

 

R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I

 

Over breakfast, the three chatted the whole time keeping the conversation light and upbeat.

 

As they neared the airport the silence was deafening.  Uncomfortable even.  Coming to a stop Jane popped the trunk and Casey got out first.  Maura leaned forward putting an arm on her friend’s shoulder, “Go.  Take all the time you need.  I’ll be here.”

 

“I know.  Thanks,” Jane said quietly as she slowly got out of the car.  Apprehension rolling through her body, like a tidal wave, as she walked over to the soldier standing in his fatigues.  She waited until he finished with the attendant checking his bag, “So you’ll be safe.  Yeah?”

 

“I’ll do my best.”

 

Jane pulled him into a tight hug, “Let me know you got back to the base.  Keep in touch, okay?”

 

“I will.  You take care too, Jane.  Be happy.”

 

“You too, Casey.”  Giving her a peck on the cheek he pulled away.

 

He wiped the tears spilling from her eyes, “It will be okay Jane.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  You tried to love me but your heart already belonged to someone else and I can see that now.  I wish I could hate you for it or even hate her but I can’t.  It’ll take me a little while but I think you two belong together.  I’ll be okay too…just give me some time.”

 

“But I hurt you.  I never wanted to do that.  I’m sorry.”

 

“Can we call it even for all the times I was an ass.  I’m the one who pushed you away when I should have opened my heart and just loved you.”

 

“Please be safe Casey.  I worry about you over there.”

 

“I worry about you to Jane.  Remember life is short so live it for all it’s worth.  Take a chance and tell her that you love her.” He stepped away.  And to Jane’s surprise, he walked over to the back door of the Crown Vic.  Opening the door pulling Maura out and giving her a hug.

 

It took the blonde a moment to return the embrace, “Take care of yourself and come back home, alright?”  Maura managed to say.

 

He whispered in her ear, “Love her.”

 

“Wha…”

 

“Just promise to love her.” He said a little louder as he stepped back.

 

Walking back over to the stunned brunette he smiled a genuine smile, “Thanks for agreeing to take Elsie back over to Korsak.  Tell him I’ll be in touch.”

 

“I will.  Bye Casey.  Take care.”  She lifted a hand in an attempt to wave.

 

“Bye Jane.  Maura.”  He turned and went through the mechanical doors not looking back.

 

Maura walked up to her friend who seemed to be frozen in place.  Resting a small hand on a strong shoulder.  Taking in the tears falling down prominent cheekbones the medical examiner leaned in, “Go after him.”

 

As the words sunk in it was clear to Jane that her friend misunderstood the meaning of her emotions, “No.”

 

“No?”

 

“I’m okay Maur but if you can take the rest of the day off I’d like to talk.”

 

“I’m here for you.  Whatever you need Jane.  I just have to call Susie.  I told her in my email that I would check in.”

 

Jane nodded as she opened the passenger door for the smaller woman to get in.  The car ride back into Boston was a very quiet one.  The only words spoken were the ones exchanged between Senior Criminalist Chang and the Chief M.E. giving directives and requesting all reports be sent to her tablet as they came in.

 

R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I

 

Maura was surprised when Jane pulled the car into a parking space near the Boston Commons hesitantly saying to her passenger, “It’s a nice day and I sort thought we could take a walk?”

 

“Sure.  Whatever you want.  I’m here for you, Jane.”

 

“You okay to walk in those?” She asked pointing to her friend’s three-inch heels.

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?  Am I correct to say we will be walking not running?”

 

Jane chuckled, “Yeah.  No running.  Just a walk.”

 

The two women got out of the car and walked side by side for a few minutes.  Taking in the sights.  The brunette put her hand on the small of Maura’s back directing her over to a bench just off the main path, “I already hurt Casey today.  I don’t want to be the reason your feet are killing you tonight.”

 

“I’m fine if you feel like walking a little farther.”

 

“No. Here is good.”

 

“How are you doing?”

 

“To be honest.  I don’t know.  I’m not sure what I’m feeling.”

 

“Emotions can be very confusing.  Chemical levels…”  Noting the rising eyebrows on her friends face the medical examiner stopped herself, “It’s to be expected when one breaks up with their boyfriend.”

 

“That’s not it.  Yeah, I hurt him.  Really hurt him and he was so nice about it.  Trying to tell me he understood.  Being comforting.  We talked…honestly talked.  I think he understands what’s going on better than I do.”

 

“That’s a good thing.  Isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah…no…I don’t know.”

 

“Maybe you two just need some time to work on your relationship.” Maura offered.

 

“We sort of already worked it out.  We’re friends.  That’s all we ever were and that’s all we’ll ever be.  And strangely…I’m good with that.”

 

“I don’t understand.”  Scrutinizing eyes looking at the lithe body in front of her, “Your body is showing every sign that you are still very upset.”

 

“It’s not about Casey, Maur.  It’s me.  I have some things I need to say but I don’t want to lose you.  I need a friend right now.”

 

“I am your friend, Jane.  I cannot think of a single thing you could say that would change that.  Even if you were to murder someone.  Of course, you would have to pay for your crime but I would be there to support you through your incarceration.  I would visit you regularly.”

 

“Okay, good to know.  But just so we’re clear…I didn’t murder anyone so I won’t require that kind of visitation.”

 

“Joking aside Jane, you can tell me anything.”

 

Maura could clearly see the turmoil her friend was going through but felt inadequate in every way possible to help ease her pain.  She finally settled on placing a comforting hand to stop the two fidgeting ones in Jane’s lap.  It took a few moments longer before one of those hands turned to overtake the smaller one in its grasp.  Giving it a squeeze Jane began, “I um…I think I’m gay.”

 

Startled by the direction the conversation had taken it was some time before the medical examiner could respond.  Afraid her friend would misread her lack of actions as unacceptance or disgust Maura spoke the first words that would come out, “Because you and Casey weren’t sexually compatible?”

 

“What?  No!  It’s not about the sex.  Casey is fine now.  It was me.”

 

“Because you find women more attractive?”

 

“Yeah.  No.  Well…only one.”

 

“Oh, so you met someone.” Maura quickly schooled her facial features not to show the hurt.

 

“What?  No.  You make it sound like I was cheating on Casey or something.  I wasn’t.  I don’t do one night stands and I don’t cheat.  God Maura.  You make this…what I’m trying to say…you make it sound really bad.”

 

“There is nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex, Jane.  Sexuality is very fluid.”

 

“You’ve told me that before.  It’s not just someone…it’s you Maura.  I’m attracted to you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“It’s okay that you don’t feel the same way.”

 

“But I do Jane.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m attracted to you as well.”

 

“Really?  You like me too?  Like more than friends, like me?”

 

“Yes.  That would be one way of saying how much I care about you.” The blonde chuckled softly.

 

“Maura I don’t just care about you.  I’m crazy in love with you.”

 

“That’s good because I’m very much in love with you too Jane.”

 

“But I’m so messed up.”

 

“I would call it realization.  Enlightenment.”

 

“Enlightenment?”

 

“Well, I most certainly wouldn’t call my feelings for you messed up.”

 

“I’m not saying that.  My feelings are finally clear.  I’m saying I’m the mess.  I have baggage.”

 

“So do I and you have accepted me from the beginning.”

 

“You really would be okay being with me?”

 

“I would love nothing more.”

 

“So?  Can I kiss you now?”

 

Maura didn’t need to be asked twice.  She leaned in bringing her lips to meet Jane’s.  Their first kiss was short and not very romantic because Jane couldn’t remove the smile off of her face, “I can do better.” The brunette shyly said.

 

She adjusted on the bench.  Scooting closer to her best friend.  Sliding her hands up the smaller woman’s arms moving slowly over well-toned shoulders to cup Maura’s face.  Bringing their lips together again.  Gently caressing soft lips.  Small hands tangling into raven locks pulling closer deepening the kiss.

 

Jane broke the kiss first opening her eyes to take in the woman next to her, “Wow.  Okay, that was.  Wow.”

 

“I concur.” Maura smiled without opening her eyes.

 

“I’d definitely like to do more of that.  Kissing I mean.”

 

“I believe that can be arranged.”  Leaning over kissing Jane again.

 

“Um…Maur?”

 

“Hmmm?”  Opening her eyes looking directly into dark brown ones “Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah but I want to do this right.  I want this to be it for me, Maur.  I want to go slow.  I want a life with you.”

 

“How slow?”

 

“Not that slow.  But I was with Casey and you well you were kind of seeing BT on and off.”

 

“I want to be with you, Jane.  No one else.  Only you.”

 

“Good.  Because in my heart it’s only ever been you, Maur.  It has been for a while and even Casey saw it.”

 

“Is that why he told me to…love you?”

 

“Is that what he said to you at the airport?”

 

“I thought it was a strange thing for him to say.  I thought he was just saying to look out for you.  To make sure you were alright.  I didn’t understand the deeper meaning.  That I should freely express my feelings for you.”

 

“I’m so happy Maura.  I love you so much.”

 

“I love you, Jane.”

 

They spent the day together enjoying each other’s company.  Not allowing the world around them to get in for just one day.  They had a lifetime of tomorrows to deal with the rest.  Today was for them and only them.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little one-shot. Let me know what you thought.


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